With Valentine’s Day just passing, I thought about relationships this week.  My relationship most times.  I have really come to appreciate my relationship.  I know there are many of you that have significant others, husbands, boyfriends – whatever endearing name you choose to use.  I have established just a little more passion this past couple of weeks for my union that I have with my soul-mate.  I realize everyone doesn’t have the opportunity to share a marriage or any other relationship with their soul-mate. So, I cherish what I have now more than I have in the past.

It’s funny I think back to over a week ago, my husband attended an event and happen to bump into Eric Benet.  He had a conversation and at the end of the conversation he was going to have Eric call me and realized his battery had died on his cell phone (Darn Centro’s!) Anyway, the thought alone meant the world to me… he’s one of my favorite male artist and to think that he would even have asked him spoke volumes to me.

Don’t get me wrong… we have our moments, what we share isn’t without disagreements, because we definitely do not see eye to eye all the time, but I will say… I’m learning personally to express myself (how ironic is that.. I can tell you my thoughts, but with him, I keep it in)… as I was saying, I can now say… “You know, I really didn’t like what you just said” and talk about it, instead of doing what I’ve always done.  That’s hold on to it… let it marinate, just right and then add a heap to the fire!  That doesn’t work ladies… I assure you…. It hasn’t done a thing for me.  So, I’m saying by me learning to express myself, I’m always trying to agree to disagree and stay on the same page.. we both have our moments, and we’re both stubborn, but when you really want to be with someone… you learn to deal with their issues and they have to deal with yours.

On another note though, I am enjoying being in love.  Do you ever just see something he’s done, the way he stands, and at that very moment, it resonates on what attracted you to him in the first place.  For the ladies who may not have that…. I believe there is someone for everyone.  If hasn’t found you yet, it doesn’t mean he’s not looking or he’s not close.  But I will say this… if you’re looking for him, that is not your job and you’re probably holding up process. Many women pray for the Lord to send them a good man. Well, now if you’re taking that route and you’re a praying woman, you should know that the Word says he will find you. So, you are blocking your own progress.  For the sisters who may be content with what they have and complain, but they knows Mr. Right is still our there… Or, Jackson Soul-mate is close… how will things work, when you have Joe Oh-so-Wrong standing all in his space.  Don’t settle… I believe a lot of women love to just have someone waiting in the wings. But what price do you pay by having him there?  You are still unhappy.  Like I mentioned in “Desperate in the Pews” it’s about loving you.  You are not able to fully share love with someone unconditionally, if you are loving yourself conditionally.

Like I’ve said to my sister-friends I love and cherish “He’s there; he’s on his way.” Be patient… and if you must do something… then change your environment… Go to a restaurant in the part of town you like.  He could be there… you’re going to the same places and you never change your routine, well the same people who share your routine will be right there waiting for you every time.  Step out of the box, out of your comfort some.  You’ll have a good time… and you never know who you’ll meet.

In my closing, I hope my thoughts have prompted you to think about your situation…. It could be just what you’ve always wanted.. and that’s fantastic. Or, it could be something you never dreamed.  Everyone is entitled to love, unconditionally. First, know that you deserve it, and it will come.

I thank you for your listening ears during our set of Java Lounge at WOVA Café. If you would like to participate in a follow up discussion of this topic, which will later be podcast, please drop me a quick line at realtalk@womenofvisionalliance.org.

I’m Cocoa Brown and it has been my pleasure to share my thoughts with you. Until our next set…

Peace and blessings

International Women’s Day (8 March) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. In some places like China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria, International Women’s Day is a national holiday.

Suffragettes campaigned for women’s right to vote. The word ‘Suffragette’ is derived from the word “suffrage” meaning the right to vote. International Women’s Day honours the work of the Suffragettes, celebrates women’s success, and reminds of inequities still to be redressed

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WOVA strives for the empowerment of self-confidence, self-assurance, peace and wellness of all women.

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Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on June 12, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California.

You know this week’s topic really has been something that has been pivotal in my life and what has inspired me in so many ways. I’ve often thought about it. What makes a woman settle for what she knows is unacceptable to her? A woman can look in the mirror and see her reflection, but not see what others see in her.

She is beautiful, inside and out. But she doesn’t know it. She has the most loving and giving spirit within her and she still does not recognize her beauty. I really think it’s sad when a woman will stay in a relationship even though it’s detrimental to her…. Whether it is physical or mental abuse, she sees no other way out. Or, she’s become accustomed to the constant attacks on her physical appearance… you’re not pretty enough, you’re not skinny enough… you’re too dark or you’re too light. These are things that constantly taunt her and she develops a complex about what she looks like, or what she lacks.

I’ve heard so many times, it’s easier to believe to bad things than it is to believe the good things. Isn’t that the truth?!

But you know, so many times we make the mistake of looking at the outward appearance and think because someone is physically attractive they have high self-esteem. That is so far from the truth. I have met several women who are beautiful women and possess some of the finest qualities in a human being, but they don’t find themselves attractive at all. Unfortunately, society has coerced us into believing our cheek-bones or our jean size, makes us the perfect woman, even the length of your have… hey, if you have to buy the hair and it runs down your back…. Fake it till you make it… if this makes you feel great from the inside out… I say…. Do your thing!

That reminds me of a girlfriend who admire so very much… she loves her different hairstyles. Although, she has long hair, she likes to switch it up a bit. Well one day she came into work and she had a short bob, after she’d worn her natural length the day before and a guy said… hey, is your hair out the box today? She kindly smiled, said “yes it is”, and kept walking. That’s what I call confidence and being comfortable in your own skin. I think she has something she doesn’t realize she has.

Back to my original though, if you are with a man and you feel he is the best you can do, even though he doesn’t possess any of the qualities you require in a companion, he never tells you you’re beautiful or anything positive at any point and you still with him, because you feel you’ll never get anything better… that my sister is the worse possible place to find yourself in.

However, it does go to show, if you’ve been put down your entire life and told you’ll never amount to anything, you’ll never get married, no one will ever love you… you believe it.

Although it is very hard to pull yourself out of that down trodden frame of mind, once you do – you’ll be floored by the way things will change. I’m saying if you see your worth and you let your confidence shine through, people will see you differently, because YOU see you differently. Even when you don’t feel your greatest, get in the mirror and say… I LOOK GOOD…. It begins with you. You’d be surprised at what a change you will have in your expectations for just that day alone… Take it one day at a time.

I thank God, although I’ve had issues of growing into my own skin…. I feel great about me. I love me some me. I’ve always had positive roles models in my life and positive self-images…. My Grandmother, who I love dearly, is my firecracker! That’s what I call her… She once told me… “I don’t have to ask anybody to tell me how I look…. I have plenty of mirrors in my house,” “I know what I look like when I hit the door!” I guess you can why she is my firecracker!

I have to say the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. My mother must be added into that equation, the one thing she said to me while we were having a conversation that sticks with me constantly is “I don’t have low self-esteem, not even in a dream!” It seems so funny to hear, but if you can get to that point, where you are not phased by anything anyone has to say about you… and you become confident in yourself and your abilities, that’s a powerful thing! I definitely have to say that same assurance is true of all of my aunts. They’ve always encouraged my and their daughters to be strong, just as they are. I feel very blessed for that.

To all of my sisters, you know we have all had obstacles, but I am a true believer that God does not put anymore on us than we are able to bare. With that in mind, he has made you in his own image and knows every strand on your head. So when thinking of yourself in a negative light, remember you ARE a reflection of him and that’s beautiful.

So, if you haven’t heard it today, let me be the first to tell you… you are beautiful! Why not do this… if you happen to see a woman who is walking by and you like her hair, her smile, her suit, shoes or just her confidence… tell her so and see what it does for you when she smiles back at you. We don’t compliment one another enough. Try it… it works.

I thank you for listening ears during our set of Java Lounge at WOVA Café. If you would like to participate in a follow up discussion of this topic, which will later be podcast, please drop me a quick line at realtalk@womenofivisionalliance.org.

I’m Cocoa Brown and it has been my pleasure to share my thoughts with you. Until our next set,

Peace and blessings

Well, I must say it is a good feeling to have one set under my belt so to speak. When we
last met, I talked about the ABW (Angry Black Woman). That was to say the least, a very
enlightening topic of discussion. I enjoyed it, at best I hope it encouraged of few of you
to try blogging.

When gathering my thoughts this time around, I focused on a conversation I had a while
back with a dear friend of mine. Our conversation started off with the great relationship
she had begun weeks prior. She’d been having the time of her life. He seemed like such
a nice man, and then right in the middle of what would become the last date he switched
up on her, and the festivities were cut short and the evening was over faster than it began.
Hmm, now I know you’re probably wondering what happened. Why did it switch up
like that? Yeah, after hearing that, I thought the same thing and I also had my theories,
which I shared with her. But that’s not what I’d like to expound on right now, hmm, no.
I’d like to talk about her comment about the sister girl who introduced them. She said she
reached out to her to find out what possibly went wrong and her friend never responded,
in fact she didn’t comment, speculate or even insinuate that she’d spoken to him to try get
a resolution to the strange ending. Her comment was “what happened? I thought we had
each other’s back?” Isn’t that how it is? I thought we stuck together…

My thoughts on that, for the most part, we do have each others back. You can’t
come between a woman and her girls, not if they’re REALLY her girls. That circle is
something that can’t be broken. You can’t do anything to get next to that woman if
you’ve been one to cause harm or anguish, because her sisters will be on you like white
on rice. There is just a bond that is formed. There are boundaries that you don’t cross,
even rules that are not spoken. For instance if a woman has a friend that has dated a man,
and things didn’t work out between the two… later down the road, ten years from now
even, there is no way that man is able to push up on her girl. She’s not going to have that
because that would break the bond. I mean after all there are memories of him and her
girl, sitting in the park having a romantic picnic, times of her telling her most intimate
secrets. That is baggage she is not willing to claim. I mean after all, when the girls are
together, how do she bring up your latest “cutest thing he said to me today” with creating
an awkward moment amongst the circle of friends? And Heaven forbid things should
really get serious and he’d even think of making you the “one” after he put her off for
year! I, don’t know… that is just territory we have really stayed away from as sisters,
again unspoken rules, but they exist nonetheless. So, I say, this friend of my friend who
just never addressed the situation really couldn’t have been close to that circle, otherwise
there would have been some type of closure, be it pretty intense or pretty ugly, words
would have been exchanged.

Now I guess that brings me to my closing remarks, does this exist with men? Do the
brothers have a bond that only they know about? Well, I’m sure they do, but it is the
same as us? Do they commit to their circle of friend the way we do? I mean, would they

date your girl? That has really been on my mind lately. Given the recent Hollywood
couples I’ve seen, it makes me think they don’t have that same bond at all. I mean a
certain couple that shall remain nameless brought me to that conclusion. Did this brother
think twice about dating this sister?

Yes, I must they are a very attractive looking couple, but was that his boy’s woman at
one time, or maybe I’m wrong to assume they were even boys to begin with. Oh, and
don’t think I’m just saying he is the only one in question here – because did she ever
think well, I shouldn’t do this to him because it could cause very bad feelings. But then I
digress… because the point of the matter is they’re all grown and maybe they were never
friends to begin with and this could possibly mean all is fair in love and war.

To my sister girl who even made me think of such a topic, I want you to know, maybe
not all woman stand by their friends, but as we’ve talked about so many times, I’ve got
your back regardless of anything and anyone else. And I’d like to think that most women
are the same when they know they have a true friendship.

I thank you for listening ears during our set of Java Lounge at WOVA Café. If you would
like to participate in a follow up discussion of this topic, which will later be podcast,
please drop me a quick line at realtalk@womenofvisionalliance.org.

I’m Cocoa Brown and it has been my pleasure to share my thoughts with you. Until our
next set,

Peace and blessings,