Hello ladies and a warm hello also to some men who have joined us as well.
Welcome to another set of the Java Lounge, I’m your host Cocoa Brown. We at WOVA are pleased to have you join us once again.
You know this week’s topic really has been something that has been pivotal in my life and what has inspired me in so many ways. I’ve often thought about it. What makes a woman settle for what she knows is unacceptable to her? A woman can look in the mirror and see her reflection, but not see what others see in her.
She is beautiful, inside and out. But she doesn’t know it. She has the most loving and giving spirit within her and she still does not recognize her beauty. I really think it’s sad when a woman will stay in a relationship even though it’s detrimental to her…. Whether it is physical or mental abuse, she sees no other way out. Or, she’s become accustomed to the constant attacks on her physical appearance… you’re not pretty enough, you’re not skinny enough… you’re too dark or you’re too light. These are things that constantly taunt her and she develops a complex about what she looks like, or what she lacks.
I’ve heard so many times, it’s easier to believe to bad things than it is to believe the good things. Isn’t that the truth?!
But you know, so many times we make the mistake of looking at the outward appearance and think because someone is physically attractive they have high self-esteem. That is so far from the truth. I have met several women who are beautiful women and possess some of the finest qualities in a human being, but they don’t find themselves attractive at all. Unfortunately, society has coerced us into believing our cheek-bones or our jean size, makes us the perfect woman, even the length of your have… hey, if you have to buy the hair and it runs down your back…. Fake it till you make it… if this makes you feel great from the inside out… I say…. Do your thing!
That reminds me of a girlfriend who admire so very much… she loves her different hairstyles. Although, she has long hair, she likes to switch it up a bit. Well one day she came into work and she had a short bob, after she’d worn her natural length the day before and a guy said… hey, is your hair out the box today? She kindly smiled, said “yes it is”, and kept walking. That’s what I call confidence and being comfortable in your own skin. I think she has something she doesn’t realize she has.
Back to my original thought, if you are with a man and you feel he is the best you can do, even though he doesn’t possess any of the qualities you require in a companion, he never tells you you’re beautiful or anything positive at any point and you still with him, because you feel you’ll never get anything better… that my sister is the worse possible place to find yourself in.
However, it does go to show, if you’ve been put down your entire life and told you’ll never amount to anything, you’ll never get married, no one will ever love you… you believe it.
Although it is very hard to pull yourself out of that down trodden frame of mind, once you do – you’ll be floored by the way things will change. I’m saying if you see your worth and you let your confidence shine through, people will see you differently, because YOU see you differently. Even when you don’t feel your greatest, get in the mirror and say… I LOOK GOOD…. It begins with you. You’d be surprised at what a change you will have in your expectations for just that day alone… Take it one day at a time.
I thank God, although I’ve had issues of growing into my own skin…. I feel great about me. I love me some me. I’ve always had positive roles models in my life and positive self-images…. My Grandmother, who I love dearly, is my firecracker! That’s what I call her… She once told me… “I don’t have to ask anybody to tell me how I look…. I have plenty of mirrors in my house,” “I know what I look like when I hit the door!” I guess you can why she is my firecracker!
I have to say the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. My mother must be added into that equation, the one thing she said to me while we were having a conversation that sticks with me constantly is “I don’t have low self-esteem, not even in a dream!” It seems so funny to hear, but if you can get to that point, where you are not phased by anything anyone has to say about you… and you become confident in yourself and your abilities, that’s a powerful thing! I definitely have to say that same assurance is true of all of my aunts. They’ve always encouraged my and their daughters to be strong, just as they are. I feel very blessed for that.
To all of my sisters, you know we have all had obstacles, but I am a true believer that God does not put anymore on us than we are able to bare. With that in mind, he has made you in his own image and knows every strand on your head. So when thinking of yourself in a negative light, remember you ARE a reflection of him and that’s beautiful.
So, if you haven’t heard it today, let me be the first to tell you… you are beautiful! Why not do this… if you happen to see a woman who is walking by and you like her hair, her smile, her suit, shoes or just her confidence… tell her so and see what it does for you when she smiles back at you. We don’t compliment one another enough. Try it… it works.
I thank you for listening ears during our set of Java Lounge at WOVA. If you would like to participate in a follow up discussion of this topic, which will later be podcast, please drop me a quick line at email@example.com.
I’m Cocoa Brown and it has been my pleasure to share my thoughts with you. Until our next set,
Peace and blessings